the premise is that our modern consciousness is highly visual, and all our stimuli are very demarcated. sight, touch and hearing etc are separated. our consciousness is based on words, or signs or symbols that correspond to sounds and so to concepts which we string together as thoughts. our thoughts are also couched in terms of WORDS or symbols with which we carry on a continual internal monologue. in the past few weeks i have been trying at times to get away from this ordered consciousness and to be conscious with a more primitive or unformed way of perceiving. ie, switch off the worded internal monologue.
basically i have been investigating how far a concept or a word is linked to its physical presence of the symbols on the page. it seems to me that for example the word "me" as we see it is inextricably the sign of the sound it makes when we say it, which is inseperable from the signified thing itself, ie Steph referring to herself. like onomatopoeia. this obviously changes in other languages, however the only other languange that i can talk about is russian in which the same sound is present in the same word : "mne".
last night i thought more about connotations or linked signs, something that is suggested or signified by something else. and i got a very strange chain of simultaneous images/feelings that i couldnt classify into different senses. it is this particular sort of groupings that is interesting me at the moment.
for example: the word "me" or "mne" is the word that comes into my head when im warm and cosy in bed, alone and feeling horny, as well as a protective or petulant view towards the self. this is natural and obvious because it is the most private time and the operative word in most or all phrases in my thoughts at these times, all involving the dative case or a movement towards the self: "you hurt me", "fuck me!", "that makes me feel good", "why did you leave me", "poor little me", "cute little me" etc etc etc. all these inward looking and cosy personal thoughts, as if you were gently and reassuringly patting youself.
the point is that the soft shapes my lips make as i say the word "me" is absolotely the same as the petulant look on the face as i say that word, which is the same as the soft round sound of the letters out loud...
... which is entirely the same thing as the prickly and salty feeling of crying, and (by chance im sure, this is very strange) the same thing as a close-up of Carmella Soprano's face as she's having sex doggy style with Tony Soprano in that series, I cant remember what episode sorry. all these happen simulatneously and signify a particular feeling of sexy protectiveness that i hold towards myself (and i presume other people do too).
a similar chain was created by taking 4x the recommended dose of hawaiian mushrooms in silence. without psy trance to hang on to, my senses and coherency were trapped in a synasthesia sort of vacuum where it was like white noise, but not noise and not white, more like a blackbird's fart which was orange and wobbled. this is where the inadequacy of the language and of having demarcated senses and a consciousness divided into segments and symbols arises.
but of course we need simplifications, symbols and stereotypes because that is what language and communication hinges upon. and so i'll stop rambling. note to self - (remember to lj cut. or people will hate you).
one further point to note is how well psy trance and goa trance and generally trippy music fits absolutely with tripping. my hypothesis is that it plays at the RESONANCE FREQUENCY of our consciousness and so vibrates at the right frequency to expand it. so there.
can you guess that i have a lot of time on my hands? im loving it. I am so happy at the moment. I have finished 4 years of university and I am reclaiming my life and my head. I'll get a job pretty soon. I don't have any plans. In a while this could get boring but for the time being I will sit in bed every day with the sunrise streaming in and listen to the traffic and just think. or not even that.